Kishore’s mom was happy when he changed his job location from Delhi to Bangalore as she couldn’t effort missing her son. Its impact was seen in his subsequent appraisal when he missed the chance of his first promotion in his job.
Want to know why? Because, he missed a conducive working environment.
Do any of us think this is a cooked up story? The story may be but what it conveys isn’t.
Seeing through a child’s eyes is an art for any parent. Unless we do it there is less room for their growth.
Where are we unconsciously hurting their career choices? Are we the real guardian angels for them?
Here are 10 aspects that parents need to be mindful of.
- Best critic, Worst parent
Each of us, as a parent, tries to give our best to our children. But in the process, gradually and unconsciously we become anxious as they grow. Anxiety about – their future, their choice of friends, their selection of courses for higher studies and their life and career choices as well.
An anxious mind, expresses itself through condemnation or strong advice. Often condemnation leads to lower confidence levels in children. At any point of time in life, if we find their choices not suitable, the best way is to consciously set aside our anxiety and make them understand positively – the outcome of their choices.
Only commending helps and not condemnation!
- It’s their dream, not ours
Our children are a bundle of bliss and dream for us. Being a great parent would mean helping them realize their dream, be it in career or in life.
Though we realize that children are not our ‘yet another chance’, there is every possibility that we tend to live our dreams through them. They are not mothers who would deliver our babies.
A child undergoes peak stress, when we start treating them as our dream carriers. Eventually it ends up in losing their identity, which is especially vital as an individual to succeed and sustain.
It’s time for their dreams to come true and not ours.
- Loosen the grip
As a proud parent, waiting to hear from our 10 year old child, on a day’s happening is perfectly acceptable. But the same is a sign of high dependency if they are 18+ of years.
Each stage of life has its own growth indicators. The growing years of a teenager has a different demand from a toddler’s. We all, as parents, consider our children as kids, out of sheer love and try to support them in every aspect of life. This is normal. Whereas overdoing the same is not.
The success of children, as they step outside the house, is more to do with their capability to manage their challenges independently. The same is aptly applicable for career choices or sustaining career challenges too.
Loosening is to make them win!
- We @ their work place!
Our loved ones becoming an ‘employee’ is usually a moment of pride for us parents. We need to remind ourselves that it is as good as a caterpillar undergoing metamorphosis.
They need to face every bit of obstacle, on their way, on their own! Only this can make them an emerging butterfly.
A work environment is personal to them. Never should we guide or instruct them on the ‘how to do’ aspects of their on the job challenges, like what should they reply to their boss’s email or taking up a new assignment, negotiate with the HR on the pay aspects etc.
But certainly parental guidance is required when they are through some emotional turbulence, due to work pressure or challenges in moving with tough minded people or practical day to day issues like travel and stay.
Let’s watch them fly and not make them walk!
- Emotions at an arm’s length
Emotional quotient – This will be the most disturbed aspect when our children start to be independent as they get employed. Any parent would want their children to be with them forever. But the hard core is reality is different.
Career options may require our children to stay away from home, travel frequently, consider other’s opinion more than ours, spend at their ease without even bringing to our knowledge and take up new interests and lot more.
It is better to practice to underplay our emotions and enjoy their growth. After all what we are witnessing is our own efforts that we invested on them since their childhood.
Let not our emotions create commotion!
- Influence – In its true sense
Getting settled in a career is time consuming task. As the competitive pressure mounts, our children tend to seek people who can understand them and the situation better and make them handle it. Generally they share it with supportive colleagues and to us parents.
Home should always be the place for them to get inspired and influenced. When children share their work place or career related worries, we should try to understand the problem in an unbiased manner and suggest solutions. Only this can widen their approach in handling any difficulties they continue to face.
Working environment is where emotions are expected take a back stage. If we find our newly employed child struggling to understand this basic idea, we need to clarify them on this.
Let’s influence to inspire!
- Financial freedom
After putting in many years of efforts to make our children get into a prestigious job, it’s time that we sit, relax and enjoy its fruits! If any our lists have the finance aspect included in it, then its time that we mend our thinking.
This may be a shocking truth to many of us. While this subject itself has the scope for debate, setting aside our routine thinking will help us to be at ease for the rest of our lifetimes.
Financial management or simply expenditure management – only our children need to be its managers. While as parents we can assist them in planning for better savings and returns, the most expected is the freedom to decide on their own, on what they want to do with their hard earned money.
Some of our family circumstances might have dependency on the income earned by our children, in which case, we parents, should invest significant time in careful planning, which will not affect their financial freedom.
Let’s admire them soaring!
- The second innings
Some of our children value the ‘Job satisfaction’ more than the financial returns. Generally they are multipassionates and like to explore doing many different roles.
As we parents age, we expect our children to get ‘settled’ in life soon, which is accepted. But many houses turn a war front, when it comes to encouraging our children wanting to take up a new trail.
Undeniably, doing the less obvious has its own bombshell on the path. Nevertheless, the bright side too is worth considering. The must do by parents, is the support to be rendered to reach the ‘glass is half full’ attitude. It is perfectly ok, when our dear ones get ready to make something big only in the second innings!
Remember, every great discovery is someone’s ‘n-th’ attempt!
- The unseen career
At 23, the normal expectation from a child would be having a clear choice of career. A child’s maturity level is attributed to many environmental factors like the environment at home, exposure, individual capabilities etc.
When we parents still find our children struggling, we need not be at loss. The best way is first to discuss with them on their understanding of the current stage of life.
As we know it requires a great zeal from our side. We need to keep our emotions at cool, avoid comparison with other children of the same age group and completely believe that our children would certainly make it soon.
Approaching them with confidence will inturn boost their morale and get into the groove.
The truth is – A day dawns only after the night has lapsed!
- Virtual families
The presence on social media is inevitable. Today many job sites decide on the candidate’s selection based on professional networking sites. As parents, though we know the advantages and impact of social media, we need to be sensitive to our children’s new and expanding associations once they on board a job.
Most of their significant time of a day is spent at the work site. And working closely with a family that is almost virtual is the reality that we need to have in mind.
Not being a nagging parent and maintaining a friendly relationship with them helps both us and our children. Fortunately, they are there to keep us abreast of the changing trends and technologies.
Instead of stressing too much on their right or wrong friendship and frequently questioning them on their new associations, the ‘I’m your best friend’ attitude does it all!
Friendship – This too starts at home!